The Day The Squirrel Went To The Store from Dark Enlightenment's blog

There was a squirrel living with criminal and drug addict squirrels. A shit job and in a white squirrel trash den of epic proportion. But the squirrel could hear the ocean at night so the squirrel overlooked those other shady squirrels.

He also wasn't one to judge, for this was a paranoid squirrel. A Squirrel positive he was being fucked with.

Everything was passable until the day the squirrel took his broke ass to that sad grocery store where nobody speaks english and everything expires tomorrow.  But you could do a lot with 25 dollars. 25 sad 99 cent store dollars.

Keep his head up and nuts protected.

The squirrel was walking his sad ass to his car.  Then he saw a pygmy hippo exiting another car. Damn, that hippo looked familiar, almost like some bitch hippo who always gives him shit. 

"It couldn't be", he thought, "Why the fuck would that pygmy hippo be here? There is no reason to be unless the other animals are fucking with me. And did you see that look? Definitely being punked here. DON'T REACT, DRIVE AWAY."

He looked back once to watch the pygmy hippo's body language change to slouching.

"Weird, that was like the pygmy hippos doppelganger. But I had no forehand knowledge that the real pygmy hippo was coming, so that's gotta be those local animals fucking around."

He was a fixated one. Always seeing the forces lined up in opposition.

But why was this pygmy hippo sighting so important? Of all the meandering arcs life takes why focus in on a singular pygmy hippo sighting?

As it so happened the sighting was just the tipping point for the squirrel. This piled atop many similar situations in which the squirrel knew the other bitch ass animals were playing, but also knew he could never beat them.

He couldn't beat the pygmy hippo.
He couldn't beat the seagulls.
He couldn't even beat the dyslexic fish.

So he snapped.

He used delusion to say, "You don't really need to know what the other critters were about, just assume never getting explained means you beat them."

It helped the squirrel keep moving in his own stagnant way, but only for so long. Nothing MUST be better than what they wanted.

So he let slide all the obvious bullshit. "It will be like a UFO abduction no one believes happened, because you like talk to yourself now and shit", he thought.


"Ok, I can do crazy", he thought.

It was at that point the squirrel went crazy. He turned his car towards a crosswalk filled with pedestrians in a muderous blind rage and killed (along with several others) the DA's daughter's best friend.

"It was all that fucking pygmy hippos fault. Also the other animals and MKUltra."

After he was charged with 7 counts of first degree murder he found out the truth. He was never being fucked with at all. There was no great big conspiracy everyone was in on including Rita Hayworth. 

 No, he was just a deranged psychopathic squirrel that drove over a bunch of people and then died in prison.


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The Wall

AK Mod
Sep 28
Oh yes I want to be a squirrel! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fqqhKes0PE
EpicFail TITS
Sep 29
All the good ones die in prison... RIP Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kaczynski
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