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True story. With that said...

While otherwise minding my own business, I was seized with a primal hunger which only my natural need for the primal thrill of the primal hunt could primally satisfy...

Stalking my way to the hunting grounds silently and deftly,  I watch my prey, ready to partake of the fallen lamb like the true Badass Nature  Predator lion mojo motherfucker I am by my super Satanic birthright...

And there, among the Hungry Man stew and the ramen noodles, I glimpsed my natural prey -- spaghetti in a can! I expertly cornered it before it could escape and grabbed it with my predators claw! 

There, in the moment I held it aloft I felt it not wriggling to get free! It's stationary nature and lack of will to live -- which I was about to snuff out permanently -- was very gratifying to my primal predator nature. To this little can of spaghetti -- I AM GOD! 

Then, my primal nature took over and I blacked out. I must have ripped open my prey mercilessly because I came to mere moments later on the couch, fork in hand, viciously ripping it's guts out and eating them raw, still glistening red with tomato sauce!

And lo! I must have caught a little jalapeño as well, for it's neatly sliced remains and watery blood were mixed with the guts of my natural prey! 

Such gore! Such triumph! Such badassery!  Who can stand next to such a natural predator such as me! Certainly not my prey! 

Damn, I'm still hungry.... GWARWRWR! To the hunting grounds!

Yolo, motherfucker!