As a Satanist, every context which i enter into i watch for demonizing. It is part of what i have identified as a principle of my Satanism that i support the underdog, engage what i consider to be a discipline of martyrdom which emphasizes the identification by abused, dualistic slanders, legitimating them through direct contrary, benefic action in association to their name. To me this is the spirit that runs through all the cults prior to and posterior to the Satanic in the Left Hand Path as it has developed during the course of the last century above ground and by name.
The internet is, where i have ventured, a topic-identified terrain. Every one of these allowed for the possibility of identifying a new "Evil", a new "Wrong", and a new dualistic condemnation into which i might fit myself. The first primary choice on my part was within my occult order. I had read many of the works of the occult author
Aleister Crowley and noted with distaste that he had engaged a dualistic rant against those whom he termed 'Black Brothers', the 'Fratribus Nigris' as i reflected on it. I notice additionally that my kin within that order (the
O.T.O.) were applying this to those whom they saw as rivals, of 'doing things the Wrong way', and generally whom they condemned. I realized at that time that my name within that order would need to be '
Black Brother', and out of sympathy for the condemned (and a touch of bad Latin) i aspired to attain to the exalted aims of the Thelemite while i chose as my initiated name 'nigris', later discovering its numerological value of 333, a resonance with the Demon of the Abyss,
Choronzon, and many other things.
One of the defining characteristics of this Abysmal Demon (333) is a multifaceted identity or polyfaciae, at times associated to dispersal and psychosis. Whereas my aims were always the same and subsequent self-identifiers in qabalistic (
hara), Muslim (
Haramullah), Wiccan (
Lorax666 of the Evul Wikkhunz), and Satanist (
boboroshi,
nocTifer) contexts have to me and those i know resolved to a single coherent center, consistently i have been opposed by those who took surface for content, label and packaging for what and who i am, and those who want to use labels and names to castigate and berate others in juvenile ways.
My conversion to Satanism (i wasn't born into any religion) primarily oriented in opposition to what i regarded as a lux-o-philic and anti-darkness bias exercised by Hermetic and Neo-Gnostic occultists interested in escalating Lucifer to a high status, while casting the rest into ignorance, such that even this alternative name for Venus remained forgotten. I forged my pact with
Satanas Paternas, wrote my scripture, and summoned demons all under the name '
nocTifer' or 'bringer of darkness'. My time as part of the Church of Euthanasia, a fanciful escalation of Satanism as i understood it, detracted little from this, and when that ecclesia dissolved around me i was content to resume that darkness-oriented identity.
As i began to understand the media developments within Satanism, watching several 'shells' of technical venues left abandoned by users (including at first alt.satanism in a flight to protection, then in several series of moderated venues with new technological presentations, such as yahoogroups, googlegroups, and then waves of web-boards), and the replication of media form through time emphasized by availability of broadcast (text, sound, video), it became obvious to me that my prediction from the 1990s that the internet would compete with, and then completely replace, television (which i generally dislike) would come to pass, and that semi-interactive novelties such as BlogTalkRadio.com and YouTube.com (YT) were the sonic and videographic landscapes, respectively, into which a good part of intelligent discourse was headed after having fled from IRC and usenet long ago.
I trailed Satanism through boards, and was intrigued to find it making innovative appearance in YT. Due to my disciplines and observations of social repercussions, i avoided YT as i had avoided photographs and film for more than 2 decades. When i met
Beast Xeno in IRC (one of these former 'wild zones' for chat: a moderated subset of it) he exposed me in greater depth to something i'd already known about from
Venger Satanis: the
Cult of Cthulhu. Though it related to the mystical works of
Gurdjieff, the outstanding horror of
Lovecraft, and somehow tried to twist itself around a form of Satanism ostensibly distended out of
LaVey, i had heretofore avoided it on account of the corrosive methods taken by Crazy Wisdom teachers like Gurdjieff and
Rajneesh. That Beast liked it was intriguing, and i found his friendship inspiring enough to seek out his writings interior to that private web board (another reason i'd avoided it - its privacy). I would go on to assist their efforts somewhat in the Cult, interact with a number of its other members, and become recognized as a
Keeper of the Green Flame therein.
That was odd enough and fun, but something that i hadn't expected was his radio show with Venger Satanis, called '
The Ooze'. It was new technology to me, even though my guru had a student who was a professional radio producer and DJ, they'd been doing a show together for years, and i would later replace him operating the sound board for more recent versions of that show unto this day. Encountering The Ooze was intriguing, and gave me incentive to follow Beast into another project he indicated to me he had a strong part in producing: the
Satanic International Network (S.I.N.). It was just beginning, and as i explored it and the people involved with it (finding out as much as i could about
Zach Black, for example, in order to integrate him, along with Beast and Venger, into the references on well-known Satanists i have maintained), i began to realize how 'out' its participants were in YouTube (YT). That there was some emphasis on cameras in the Tinychat there, and presentation of footage of this once or twice to YT by Zach was noted by me in my estimation of its character.
At some point i undertook to explore Tinychat.com, and noticed that the intense reaction i had received in regards my appearance was enhanced and doubly-strong amongst the conservatives who frequented it ("Osama! Are you going to bomb us?!"). I understood fairly quickly that this was a reproduction of usenet and IRC but in videographic media, and that YT was a fair but private replication of usenet. At that point the sequential development of media became clear to me, and shortly thereafter i had a vision of engaging YT while preserving my vow of humility (with some suggestions from my guru): I could wrap my face and take on a proper pseudonym. My brief exposures to YT through association with my good friend Venus Satanas made it clear to me what the "Wrong", "Evil" and condemned class of individuals within it were called: trolls. This became so obvious that the term was now abused so as to refer to anyone whose position or expression one did not like.
I knew that, like in every other venue (topical), i needed to self-identify properly so as to pursue my practice of Satanism as i understood it. In the Satanic and YT contexts i pinpointed my nickname therein:
Troll Towelhead. The surname was amusing and yet proper in that i had been given a Turkish turban to wear and a religious office to occupy and maintain (
Grand Mufti of Satanism) by my guru, and these were perfect for my purposes in opposing an obvious anti-Muslim supplement to the anti-satanism of the 1990s. I saw this carry also into the Satanic subculture, striking alongside a willingness to accept fascism and bigotted stupidity of many sorts, ostensibly in the name of 'embracing evil' or 'self-development'.
The first name, however, was so thrilling, so exciting to me on account of its multi-valence, that i could barely contain myself. What a discovery! This wasn't just applicable to YT, but to every internet venue! The future of internet Satanism as i knew it! Its character in relation to how intellectuals who dispute against and reveal uncomfortable features in faulty logic or philosophic discourse were slandered with the name was precisely what i'd observed as regards the term 'sophist' amongst some philosophers. Popular cynical Satanists repeatedly mentioned the term and its use for castigation was precisely what i seek out in topical contexts as facile and chilling.
The secondary dimension to the first name '
Troll' was in part what thrilled me the most, since i have for many years studied magic, and have more and more strongly began to focus on folk magic and its materia magica (something my guru loves in relation to African American culture and encourages the world over).
A fellow student of my guru who apprenticed with her here for weeks is also a fan of
The Devil (particularly
Der Teufyll, the Woods God/god(s)). While he was here we had long talks about demonology and its intersection with wild nature, trying to come to some kind of understanding of the God
Satan and its relation to magic and my scripture. We discussed my scripture and my general method, and he began a newfound interest in the folk magic of his own Swedish homeland. He went back to Sweden and after numerous social adventures and turns of fate dug deeply to discover the details of the folk magic of his homeland. Our projects and studies have been intertwined ever since, and he discovered that the word for folk magic (/witchcraft) in Swedish lore is "
trolldom", and that trolls are another name for magic user!! The whole folkloric beast-complex in part centers on the fact that these are elder wild folks who know something of magic. For a person to call themselves a troll is to effectively proclaim their occultism. This is a correlate to 'witch' in multiplex fashion.
Doing a search online (primarily on YT) i reminded myself that the original usage for the term 'troll' and 'trolling' relate to VERBS not nouns, and that it pertains to fishing: casting out baiting expressions and seeking indisciplined responses with the hopes of manipulating and hoaxing (landing) a 'Big One'. Everything after this has been a castigation (at times quite amusing!) of monsters on the order of vampires or werewolves or demons (see my "
Manifesto Satanika" for more on the development of these in modern religious history, from witches to satanists, then on to vampires, werewolves and demons, epitomizing in what i predicted in the form of Lovecraftian monsters and the Cult).
When i decided to take the name Troll for YT i wondered what i might want to do about the S.I.N., especially since its owner and several of those who were part of it were also heavily involved in YT, and there was such an emphasis on visuals within the tinychat people had remarked about being popular therein. I decided that its emphasis was such, and the style of interaction (contenteous, focussed on by some as 'crushing haters' and 'exterminating bullshit') was such, that this YT pseudonym was far better than 'nocTifer' (which a number now began to misidentify as 'noctifier', probably due to the small font on the site). I knew that this would be controversial, but given the trust i had in Beast in particular, and in Zach, i choose S.I.N. (1.0) to become the origin and proving grounds to make that change for my Satanism, and to make it permanently. It was the best decision i ever made.
This was not without forethought, and not without a long history of socially-transformative engagements i sought out in pursuit of
martyrdom as i have understood it (not death seeking, but virtuous witness of truth from a position of condemnation to tyrannical power). I decided to try it out regardless of the consequences, and begin to enter into chat and the forums as i was moved by compassion, defending love and comradery, society and bonding friendships.
I saw the attention being paid to cynical and biting Satanists who spoke in gaming terms of 'pwning', and who made frequent mention of trolls. I tried to reflect a pure and perfect complement to it, emphasizing another pole in what i think of as a neo-tantric apex, and proceeded to argue in favour of tolerance, criticizing manipulators and bullies (even real trollers!).
Generally i made little effort to conceal my identity, though i occasionally distracted away from my person, location, or background with fiction. I wanted, instead, the focus to be the topics of our conversations, and i said little also about my witnessing interests, the background of trolls i'd discovered, or the Great Martyrdom Cult of which i think we are all part, and whose little eddy in a Satanic sandbox i was part of creating.
At first i was accused by one or more of its moderators of nefarious and false motivations, behaviours, as i had expected might occur, and this brought with it the deletion of my account more than once in S.I.N. (1.0). Yet my allies running the board quickly understood my heart and motivations, the style and substance of my Satanism, and how i was bringing it even to the very heart of Satanism, and eventually reinstated me, more than once.
Since then i've gone on to make a very good name for myself, my title, for
Demonic Satanism in the commentary and publishing of
The Gospel of Satan and continued service to Satanists and
Satan, extending en toto some 17 years and developing into a personal relationship with the
Devil himself.
I'm very happy to have returned to S.I.N. (2.0), resumed my Troll account here, and look forward to establishing new friendships as well as to rekindle old ones in a fresh, and more friendly, environment.
Assalam alaykum and BLVD!,
Troll the Unvanquished
https://www.facebook.com/DevilPact
https://www.facebook.com/Tr0llT0welhead
https://www.gospelofsatan.com
https://www.satanservice.org/wiki/Troll_Towelhead