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Orobas Nov 23 '18
In town with government pocket money, there is no reason to purchase alcohol or cigarettes. There is no inspiration to spend much to much money on these things that may result in a moment of euphoria, that will cause nausea, phlegm, loneliness and shit posting. Retarded messages will be sent. 

The money is spent online at home. Generic Black Metal music. A couple of C.D.s. Several bandcamp downloads. It sounds great. But everything is: Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Bored and Brain-dead. What is this no alcohol madness? Why would there be no cigarettes? It makes no sense. There is nothing to be done. 

Well there is. Go out into the night and go for a walk. But why? What is so wrong with being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, bored and brain-dead? What is to be gained from short term delusional contentment? There is no meaning, no reason to bother. All these bad feelings are delusional. What is really going on is great sounds. Lots of great sounds in a unique and strange reality where there is no reason or purpose. 

Orobas Dec 26 '18
Going without smokes and drinks, everything gets so sick and weak. Smokes and drinks makes everything sick and weak. So we might be getting legal cannabis in NZ soon. Kinda nice but it won't change much for me. Science could do so much more for me through LSD treatments or something like that. 
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