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How I ended up here (if anyone cares lol) from Amethyst's blog

     I was raised by a very Baptist grandmother. I will always appreciate what she had done for me during her lifetime, but she was very pushy about her beliefs. as a teen I had to warn my friends to never bring up religion or politics around my grandma unless they wanted to get into a heated debate. The only one who seemed to enjoy these debates was an atheist friend of mine. my opinion is he enjoyed getting a rise out of her. But anyways...I feel as I had no freedom of thought. like most people raised in a Christian family I was told the bible was to be taken as absolute truth. Anything spiritual was considered "evil" and of the "devil" (meditation, divination, astral projection ect) i was told anybody involved in the occult was basically all the same they were all evil baby sacrificing devil worshippers. it didn't matter what they believed if you weren't "saved" you were going to hell. I grew up in a world where I felt like i was spiritually walking on egg shells. "you can't do that or you will go to hell" i wasnt even allowed to trick or treat because it was Satan's holiday and i could be kidnapped and sacrificed. oh and i can't forget the time gram read a book about "spiritual warfare" and went on a kick about demons being the cause of every bad thing in the world.

      Another thing that drove me bat shit fucking crazy is there are way too many hypocritical christians. ya know the judgey ones that stick there nose up in the air like they better than everyone. the corruption even within my own former church that I witnessed. our preacher had to resign because he got busted lining his pockets with the money from the offering plate. the same guy who is stealing from everyone is telling me I'm a sinner for getting knocked up before I was married. like i said hyprocrite. I didn't fit in because unlike most of the others I didn't give a fuck if someone was gay, had sex before marriage, had an abortion, had other religious or pollitical beliefs than i. my motto was each to their own. who the fuck am I to tell someone how they ought to live. I have my beliefs you have yours let's agree to disagree instead of arguing endlessly and guess what we still won't change the other persons oppinion.     Basically what lead me to this website was exploring other options and point of views. I had begun to question my faith in the christain god and noticed that the bible contradicts itself. What I have found while researching is those involved in the occult are not all the same. Wiccans aren't the same as Satanists. there are different denominations  (for lack of a better term) of Satanist and pagans. I was surprised to learn there is even atheistic satanist. it's amazing what you learn when you open your mind and quit being so narrow minded and listening to what your told is right and wrong. I also discovered i was not the only one who thought the bible contradicts itself. People have gone so far as to write books on contradictions in the bible and how it can not be historically correct. 

     I've reached a point where I am tired of feeling like i am going to suffer for eternity because I didn't conform to what I was told I should believe. I have always been intrigued by the spirit realm but I didn't dare explore for fear of eternal Damnation or having an evil spirit attach itself to me. I'm done living in fear or feeling guilty for being a human being and having desires. I haven't put a label on myself as far as what religion I am because I think right now I'm still trying to figure that out. I haven't done enough reading or research yet to have enough knowledge to choose a path that's best for me. I do identify with the concept of the left hand path. freedom of thought and doing what you want without the fear of eternal damnation. obviously I have a lot to learn and explore before I can claim im this or that. I just know  I'm  not atheist because I do believe there is a spiritual realm. i believe there is some kind of afterlife i just dont think its heaven and hell. 

     I think I've blabbered on enough for this blog. if anyone cared or was interested long enough to read this whole thing feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions. (now that ive realized its ok to have an opinion.) if you have any good book reccomendations for someone new to a spiritual path I would love to know :) 


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AK Mod
May 30
The back story sounds more or less par-for-the course. No one ever changes faith on account of losing a debate. Regarding the Bible's veracity: one man's contradiction is another man's "variation" - which is why pointing these sorts of things out goes nowhere quickly. As far as recommended books go: "The Flight of the Guaruda" by Keith Dowman is pretty good. Also "The Hermetic Tradition" by Julius Evola - actually, one can't go wrong with nearly anything authored by him.The back story sounds more or less par-for-the course. No one ever changes faith on account of losing a debate. Regarding the Bible's veracity: one man's contradiction is another man's "variation...See more
Hexenmeister
May 31
Dark books.org can help. By the way, how does it feel to have that weight lifted off of your shoulders?
Amethyst
Jun 1
I agree Ak I've heard other Satanist and occultist telling their experiences and a lot of them had similar back stories of having been raised Christian but feeling something wasnt right within the teachings or belief system of the Christian church. so I don't think I'm the only one. again I agree with you everyone has their own perspective and interpretation of the bible so some will defend it to the very end. thank you for the book reccomendations. Hexenmeister I honestly feel like I've unlocked my chains. I'm still trying to "reprogram" some of my thinking because after almost 25 years of basically being brainwashed...I still have some lingering irrational fears that I'm overcoming. I've been doing that by facing those fears. I'm pleased to inform you that I was not attacked by evil spirits while meditating or attempting a tarot reading. not sure if I did that right or if there even is a "right" or a "wrong" way. basically the main reason I did it was to show myself there's nothing to be afraid of. Thank you for the website reccomendation as well.I agree Ak I've heard other Satanist and occultist telling their experiences and a lot of them had similar back stories of having been raised Christian but feeling something wasnt right within the tea...See more
T. Volt
Jun 1
Ultimately, you can just buy a high-voltage tazer. Then, when they shove a bible in your face and threaten to beat you down because you won't listen, you can shove high-pressure electricity into their eye-sockets. You know, self-defence purposes of course.Ultimately, you can just buy a high-voltage tazer. Then, when they shove a bible in your face and threaten to beat you down because you won't listen, you can shove high-pressure electricity into their...See more
Amethyst
Jun 1
hahahahaha yeah I wish I would had one when the former preacher was trying to "churchify" me as he called it. I was a pretty rebellous teen and his solution was I should go to church regularly.
Drloover
Jun 20
I really enjoyed to read your journey, as someone from a similar background, I can totally understand the concept of ( getting punished) even for minor things like leaving some food in your dish, I can't argue that this made me a better person somewhat, still, it symbolized faith as fear, not love, and this is where Satanism is different, as it symbolizes acceptance of ourselves, and having a loving caring figure watching over you, whether this symbol is real or not, doesn't matter that much, as it is all an inner feeling after all!I really enjoyed to read your journey, as someone from a similar background, I can totally understand the concept of ( getting punished) even for minor things like leaving some food in your dish, I ca...See more
Amethyst
Jun 24
I agree it does symbolize faith as fear. I felt like i had to walk on egg shells and be sorry for everything.
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By Amethyst
Added May 30

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