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Satan is Scary, Turn All Demons Into Puppies and Kittens and Rainbows from Obscura's blog

I actually HATE anything creepy.  And nothing is creepier than Samael.  In order for him to become Sa'el, I think all demons need to turn into puppies, kittens, and rainbows.  Also, Hell should yuppify and have frozen yogurt everywhere and start filtering the blood out of the Styx and Samael should stop going around as a corpse half the time.  Beelzebub really needs a makeover.  Even during sex, he won't take off the horned helmets and capes.  Hello Sauron, have you ever heard of business casual?  This isn't Lord of the fucking Rings.  Asmodeus needs to stop being such a manwhore and close down all his bars and turn them into hedgehog cafes or arcades.  Lilith and the girls (I mean you, Agrath, Naamah, and Eisheth) need to dye their hair blonde, stop stripping, and stop go go dancing all the time.  Belial needs to stop being stoned.  I will campaign to turn all demons into liberal Millenials.  I am cutting Samael's hair, buying him new clothes that are not fucking red or black (have you heard of salmon? and why so many fucking skulls and distressed band tees???), cutting off his alcohol and drugs, and making him into a puppy.  I am also defanging Satan and making all demons absorb all Disney movies for valuable life lessons.  Peppa the Pig and Sesame Street are also good remedial lessons.  I think Dora the Explorer could really teach the Goetics to stop swiping.  I'm talking about totally revamping hell.  I will recruit Jesus to help me.  Buddy Jesus.  From Dogma.  I will cast a spell to make all the cannibalistic blood orgies and weed party turn into Millenial board game parties.  Fuck weed, we are playing Settlers of Cataan.  Goodbye alcohol, I am turning it all into diet coke sponsored by Taylor Swift.  Hell is a very bad place to raise a child in.  Think about the bad examples Satan is setting.  I do not approve.  Also, he's fucking creepy.  The Antichrist needs to be raised in a wholesome environment.  The End Times need to be sanitized.  Revelations needs to be written with the romance novel demanded Happily Ever After.  I am turning Samael into a puppy.  I am turning all demons into bubbles.  I am making all their claws and fangs and talons childproof.  I am turning Hell into a Chuck E Cheese.  Only then can I take my students there.  SJWs demand priviledges be revoked and instituting a social democratic state with free Gehenna University and universal healthcare in Sheol.  I will force Hell to be Millenial approved.  Millenials are inheriting the Earth, and we do not approve of wanton hellion ways.


Samael is becoming a puppy.




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The Wall

Dark Enlightenment
Sep 4 '18
Angels and Demons have a schtick that reminds me of ethereal good cop/bad cop. Like you firewalk with the demon (bad cop) and then shit gets all evil. Then in comes this opportunistic good cop (angel) to be all like, "There is hope my child, and if you sell your entire first shipment you can qualify for the sales conference at the Sheraton Hotel near the Van Nuys Airport." In any case they are both on the same payroll... just one makes you sell Amway.Angels and Demons have a schtick that reminds me of ethereal good cop/bad cop. Like you firewalk with the demon (bad cop) and then shit gets all evil. Then in comes this opportunistic good cop (angel)...See more
Obscura TITS
Sep 5 '18
So true DE! Yes, yes, yes!!! Polarities that are just seemingly different. That's the fucking trap, isn't it?
Obscura TITS
Sep 5 '18
At least demons are fun! ^_^
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By Obscura
Added Sep 4 '18

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