How do you hit that spot? | Forum

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ShadowLover Member
ShadowLover Oct 23 '15
This might not apply to everybody...

I had a few negative events happen earlier on in my life. The events themselves don't bother me, but having a succession of years where I needed to be wired somehow raised my level of what is normal - In other words, I have an addiction to chaos.

In reality I am a very peaceful person and don't actually like real life chaos and realised about ten years ago that I was getting my hit (I think it might be dopamine) from watching macabre movies. I would feel all jittery and watching the movies would calm my nerves and give me a sense of bliss. Back then, one a week was enough, but now most of them just don't hit the spot anymore. Like with any addiction, overtime you build up a tolerance. Lol.

I also used to get it from sex - often with dangerous individuals... But it worked. But only certain scenarios work. I actually haven't had much sex in the last few years, mostly because I'm middle-aged and men irritate me when they say stupid things - it ruins my head-space and then there is no point. (It's the equivalent to a girl giggling during sex). No doubt I would still enjoy the sex but it wouldn't hit that spot.

Another thing that works for me is blood. I considered taking on a bleeder, but retaining the relationship sounds like it would be high maintenance. I am actually by nature a submissive myself and don't really have much of an interest in owning men. But, I am still open to this as maybe bending my nature would be good for my personal growth.
I bent my nature once before to escape a dangerous situation and got a huge hit!

Anyway, do others here experience similar frustrations, and if so, what do you do to hit that spot?

Hartnell Oct 23 '15
I'm blessed with ADD. So for me it's adderall and flow states. Surfing chaos in flow used to be an addiction of mine (thus the 'speedfreek' in 'Nihilistic Speedfreekery'.) I like to think I've mellowed out some since then. :)
Padowan Oct 24 '15
What an interesting question. You sound a little like myself in that we are in a transition stage. What used to work for that stimulating high no longer applies. I'm still experimenting.
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