sonofject's blog

*Originally published on my blog on the old SIN site, 2011-2012 thereabouts.

I've often been questioned, asked candidly even, about why I chose to label myself a Satanist when I don't really adhere to any religion. This is kind of akin to asking me personally why I chose a life path that compels me to thrive on conflict, reject the notion of 'nomos' (law), and cultivate the mindset of the adversary--when in reality--I could have chucked all those realizations and just moved with the tide of things, having everything handed to me and accepting my lot in life, predestined yet directionless. My perception of religious belief is similar to the latter. Belief, to the religious, is often equated to loyalty and conviction (faith). I always make a distinction in the question: Does a fundamentally religious person dwell more on whether their beliefs are true or whether they're going to be true to their beliefs?

I suppose, from my life experiences, one can discern that some of the desires and goals I wanted to achieve were constructive, but somehow I was always drawn to a sort of 'destructive' tendency (call it a hidden desire or disposition within myself) to walk the path of transgression. For me, this had its beginnings after looking inward, cultivating my anger and guilt from turning my back on religion, and fostering a mindset of learning without imposition. To not look upon transgression as a stigma but rather a positive realization of thriving from experience and overcoming adversity--this process always starts internally and for some may never be externalized. It's the effect of fire, of antisocial implosion, a raw conflict of the mind that creates through destruction.

Constructive goals, such as finding order and organization in my life without placing the self secondary (my own concepts of 'god' and 'pantheon'), or discovering insight through learning and creating, became primary motivations. I reaped many of the social rewards and benefits of being constructive in this way. Yet within me always lay a certain frame of mind that ran contrary to this. Not a type of solipsism or misanthropy, but more of a destructive human animal tendency that wasn't detrimental to the self. This was never a passive-aggressive impulse as I experienced it. In some types of conflict, I can only simply describe it as an emotional, somewhat carnal perception, like the feeling one has when they have the urge to violently spit on something. It goes beyond socially imploding or going against the flow. It's a natural, carnal reaction to the ignorance (and lack of comprehension) expressed by those cloistered and fraught with holding religion as a personality descriptor and adhering to a 'divine plan'. To the religious, the concept of Satan cannot be understood apart from the dichotomy of good and evil. To manifest an adversarial disposition, from the satanist, there must be a clear understanding of this separation of ideology. 

 In this context, one can perceive the abstract interpretation of Satan as a 'conflict', a principle of separation. It entails a symbolic expression of man's duplicitous human instinct and nature. A representation of two distinct human qualities: One embraces amorality, physical indulgence, will to power (insofar as an acute awareness of the power of destruction to manifest progress), and the desire to transgress standards of morality or ethical behavior. The other is a quality of detachment within the self, a desire to transcend human and physical needs. To willingly suspend disbelief and explore magic and asceticism, in order to heighten one's intuitive awareness of the world around them. 

This dichotomy is often attributed to higher or lower aspects of human nature, and the ability of the human mind to hold opposing ideals sacrosanct. Aspects of human instinct considered 'lower' are often feared and misunderstood as evil qualities when determining meaning, so the symbolism and connotation within Satanism naturally defines a sort of 'carnal adversarial' human instinct that is not 'god' centered.

I intuit the concept of betterment through conflict. I accept and understand the duplicity of inherent human nature, enough to intuit strength and weakness in the self. Perhaps this is a byproduct of being nurtured in an environment of lawlessness and counterculture, enough so to recognize the polar separation of ideas that manifest 'satanic' conflict.

Insidious imposition of religion rarely fazes me. I root out the deceit and turn it against an individual concept, each and every time. Imposition means that one does not respect my freedom. The limitations of faith-based belief, the esoteric codes and double standards (hidden under 'occult practice'), reveal a fundamental shackle of self-deceit: One is too weak to live with doubt and conflict. One is too weak to own responsibility. Many cannot see how this kind of faith bolsters these weaknesses.

To the pragmatist, and the satanist, it's quite simple to reduce this weak-willed nonsense to a childlike false sense of entitlement. It boggles my mind that some socially inept adults can be as weak minded as children when reacting to doubt and conflict. A thin mask of self-divinity (believing you are your own god) can hardly be construed as a carnal/satanic attribute when there is no substance. To be enamored of the concept does not liberate one from the reality of external influence and praxis. As a seeker of knowledge (in the carnal and adversarial sense), to resonate with form is easy. To resonate with substance, not so easy. 

by sonofject

So, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was...oh wait.

Listen to my story. This may be our last chance.

Everyone has a backstory. Or a history. Or a war story. Or an origin story. Something that fleshes out a person's character.

I've been bopping around online since about 2008 under the user name 'sonofject'. In early 2010, I created a youtube account with that name and haven't changed it since. To date, I've left a pretty concise online footprint of my persona that is easily researched on google, and there haven't been many intimations of my user name that aren't 'me' (well...I did run into another 'Sonofject' on an anime image board, whoever it was had a penchant for drawing FFX female characters as trannys with dicks...ya gotta love the internet).

 There was a time in my early youtube days when I used to be a bona fide trollhard. Though I can't say that I ever elevated my trolling into a true art form, I can say that I had some really great shits and gigs during that period. I had this routine where I would smoke ridiculous amounts of Cali good-good trees, then--I would go to youtube vids and try to wreck people in the comments section. No real reason to, I just liked doing things like that. A lot of it, I think, had to do with some anger projection issues along with a mild case of adult ADHD and just being high on weed. My primary fixation would be videos about Anton LaVey, Boyd Rice, Scientology, and a few obscure occultist groups like the Process (PCFJ), and the P2 Masonic Lodge. I would also, on occasion, peruse the odd christian fundie videos that bashed theosophy and new age mystery schools, but that shit got old real fast. It stops being fun when your target fails to see the humor and absurdity in religion. After that, it's like whipping someone with a wet noodle. Stupidity should be painful and all that, but I digress. I'm a grown-ass man with the heart of a carnival barker and soul of an entertainer. Life is carny, carny is life.

Somehow or another I managed to stumble across a little corner of the tubes with a small but vocal community of 'online satanists'. It was here that I met a youtube denizen by the name of Zach Black. Long story short, we became fast friends in real life and the rest is history. Suffice it to say, I've been down with Z's brainchild known as SIN since its beginnings, and through all its incarnations as a social networking site, I've run across many people I consider friends and whatnot. Those that know me know that I don't starfuck on people of notoriety, I don't like to name drop most of the time, and I don't like the limelight of online popularity. I've made a couple-few videos pertaining to satanism on youtube, but I'm no cult of personality by any stretch. It was Z himself that coined a nickname for me, the "Pimp-a-Pino" (a nice play on my filipino heritage and my love of all things pimpish) it seemed to stick and I liked it, although I actually prefer following my primal design of being a pragmatic learner with a strong carnal/adversarial nature that is sometimes hard to control. As I walk the satanic path, as a lone practitioner, these ideologies are distinguished by a more existential and practical reality in which to apply them.

But back to Tidus and why I chose him as a part of my online persona. It's quite mundane, really--I'm a huge fan of the Final Fantasy sagas, particularly parts 7 and 10 in the series. It would take me a long while to describe how I resonated with the protagonist Tidus and his pathei mathos, but to sum it up let me just say that if you played FFX and completed it, then you'll catch the feels of this epic archetypal story that I give a most prominent wink/homage to through my online persona. It's my 'final fantasy 'of sorts, a self-imposed psychodrama, if you will.

“What’s the point of pretending to be all grown up.... if it means the things I wanna say never get said? How am I supposed to change anything?” –Tidus (FFX)

by sonofject

Left-hand path ideology is full of them. Religion bases much of its tenets on them. People with the angst of youth, or a weak grasp of philosophy fall into gravely misunderstanding spiritual/occult trappings because of it.

Pre-conceived notions. It's a stigma of sorts--for people that embrace struggle--that people wear like some sort of badge of oppression. They are sacrosanct to religious persecution complexes seen in most Right-hand path ideology. I would chance a guess that people on the satanic path are acutely aware of what these notions mean, and intuit the conflict and self-betterment derived from destroying some of these notions.

"Will traditional satanism ever be fully mainstream?" is a question tossed about and debated amongst the satanic schools of thought. Perhaps it already is, but to what purpose? Even those that seek occult paths for learning and enriching see farther along the path. The occult adept that recognizes how to reach between worlds and move in the shadows--to do the do if you will it--does not embrace a 'mainstream' philosophy. It's a selfish, epicurean life path, after all. Not solipsism salad with nihilistic wine dressing.

by sonofject 

Putting all generational gaps aside, I'm pretty certain that I am not the only person shaking their heads in utter disbelief over what is happening to academia in the western world, specifically in private colleges and universities. I've no interest in the public education template, that system is inherently flawed to not meet a student's or instructor's standard of education. You can't get what you pay for if you don't pay. It's basically a class struggle that diminishes a student's drive to excel in learning because of their social status. This environment of sociology-politics is causing a major shift in academia and how education is dispersed to the individual student.

Some of you college grads will remember this saying about the pitfalls of higher education: "You have to have gone to college to say/do something that stupid." This pointed jab at college-level learning is ironic but in many ways true. I'm not trying to apply this to the hard sciences or traditional academia, mind you--I'm talking about the injecting of cultural Marxist values into areas of cultural/social/gender studies. This phenomena is not new to those types of curriculum, and the majority of those types of college-level classes are electives anyway. But, to me, it says something about the value that educators put on these accredited courses that, quite frankly, won't further your situation in life or give you a skill set to master in the real world. Student political activism aside--I'll be blunt and say you can't hide behind privilege to get a real degree in the humanities or cultural studies--it just doesn't work that way outside of a classroom or ideological bubble.    

The way technology has consolidated information and education, there's definitely a social trend or political activist bent to the way people are being formally educated. I can say from experience that the value of a private education is still substantial over a government subsidized one, and that the class struggle is what, pervasively, makes students more politically motivated to change traditional education templates.

As a sometime educator and social worker, it's not hard to see the machinations of higher learning and the politics behind formal education. It's amusing to see where the radicalized educators and activists push the political envelope on issues of ethics or moral imperatives or cultural appropriation. Issues that, ultimately, will impact how future generations of people are schooled.

by sonofject

For people with theistic tendencies that delve into the occult, the path of satanism can be a walk in the moonlight or a jump down a rabbit hole. The pragmatic learner can have a journey of self-discovery, illuminated, whilst the not-so-learned fall into the holes of self-deceit and self-imposed misapprehension of ideas.  

There's a certain something, I always call it an "oh shit" moment, that, for me anyway, clarifies my perceptions and realizations about concepts of learning and studying to retain information. To be able to practically apply what I've learned to the world around me in order to better myself is--in a nutshell--one of many ideologies that I 'worship' (learning is my religion). To me, any other kind of worship places the self secondary. Period.

So many folks that walk this path, I notice, like to throw around this hoary old chestnut said by Anton LaVey: "Satan demands study, not worship." I personally heard this in my youth, when a mentor let me borrow an LP of Nat Freedland's interview of Anton LaVey on the 'Occult Explosion' album, circa 1973. Although the crux of the interview was mostly insight into LaVey's church activities, I basically had an oh shit-type moment when he explained that the theistic bent of his brand of satanism wasn't the be all end all of his 'religion'. I suspect, after seeing the evolution of left-hand-path ideology, that this statement planted the seeds of dissent that caused a major schism in LaVey's loosely organized religion.

It kinda dawned on me that you didn't necessarily have to be a hard-core-reverse-christian-devil-worshiper to be a satanist. It also dawned on me that some aspects of the satanic philosophy promote ideas of selfishness, indulgence, ego, and human carnal/adversarial nature--which ran contrary to many tenets of theistic worship: subjugation, total submission, and self-imposed psychodrama. This simple principle of separation in ideology inherently veers a pragmatic learner onto a more enriching path of study as opposed to ritual-by-rote occultism. Those concepts shouldn't be mutually exclusive, though, and any person worth their salt has an intuitive nature that thrives on conflict.

Satanism as a theosophy doesn't put much emphasis on practical study per se, but rather the embracement of traditional occult archetypes and their 'schools of thought'. It is a highly personalized form of study, I like to see it as selfishness not self-help (philosophically). For the not-so-learned, the path is obdurate without experience and study, while the pragmatic learner seeks occult knowledge as a stepping stone on the path they walk, distinguishing one's ideology all along the way.   

by sonofject
Certain features and pages can only be viewed by registered users.

Join Now

Spread the Word. Help Us Grow


Donate - PayPal

This site is largely funded by donations. You can show your support by donating. Thanks. Every dollar helps. You need not a PayPal to donate either just a debit or credit card.

Satanic International Network was created by Zach Black in 2009.