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Shawn's blog


So, yeah. Heh :) I got called on some bullshit. A few days ago Zach made it abundantly clear that I was being an asshole and that sort of thing wouldn't be tolerated 'round these parts and you know what, motherfucker, that's cool with me. No really. I shit you not. In fact, I have a lot of respect for it. I was indeed being an asshole and Zach handled it well. (IMHO)


Normally, this kind of mod/admin conversation would stay private. This time, I'm saying a bit about it for a specific reason: it shows that SIN isn't like most. 


You probably know what I'm talking about: what usually happens is guy running the show makes the popular kids the mods who then will slam the ban hammer down on someone for making a valid point which they disagree with. Drama, drama, rinse, repeat.


I've known Zach for several years now. I've known the guy since the "old youtube days" (was it 2009? or 10?) before there was a SIN. Y'know, waaaay back. And I gots to follow the rules like everybody else.


I'm very happy about this. Being the devil's advocate of a problem child that I am, I've been booted out of countless Satanic forums for a myriad of bullshit reasons. So, I know the tar and feather well. :) Never, not even once, can I think of a time when a mod has been held accountable for their bullshit. Until now. (Ok, yeah, so it was me, but who gives a shit? :) ) The important thing here is that the line has been drawn in the sand as far as what will and will not be tolerated here at SIN.


Asshole mods? Absolutely not.


The bar is indeed being raised. 

Satanists sometimes refer to themselves as the alien elite. In my last post I explained the core meaning of elite; this one is about being an alien.


Like, elite, offhand most people think it means that they think that they're special snowflakes who are somehow separate from the rest of humanity, that satanists somehow know something everyone else doesn't. Unlike elite, that's exactly the case, but not in the way you might think.


If all the world is a stage, then satanists have gotten the fuck off of it.


What I mean by this is that a satanist doesn't pretend that he is anything more than he is -- a human being -- and that human beings are anything but another animal.


This doesn't mean that satanists think of themselves as wolves or any other kind of animal. That's nothing more than another way to play dress up and shows that the person with this view hasn't really accepted humans as a part of the animal kingdom -- if they did, they'd know that a human is an animal, and that it isn't necessary to pretend to be a wolf in order to be one.


The only time a satanist plays dress up is consciously and with a purpose, never by an unaddressed unconscious need or by misunderstanding his own primitive nature.


Being an alien means that satanists are more human than 'human', the second 'human' signifying a human in costume, on stage, pretending to be one. A satanist is just another human being -- and knows it, no costume necessary.

Satanism is an elitist religion, make no mistake about it. It is uncompromisingly 100% elitist with zero shit or fluff to fuck up the mix.


We're so damn elitist that we even have a special term for ourselves -- the alien elite. Aren't we all special snowflakes? Right, get your doc martins and let's start goose steppin'!


It's really nothing like that.


Even though Satanism is absolutely hardcore in it's elitism, what it means to be elite is:


* having your shit together

* not doing anything half-assed

* being relentless in self-mastery

* constantly pushing our skills at the edge


There is no room for being a douche who lives hiding behind the pretense of being 'better' than other people. Someone is better than someone else or they're not in an objective practical sense -- they're more skilled at something. For example, a person is more accurate at shooting a bow than someone else or not.


And, even though someone is really good at something, it doesn't mean that there's a demand for it. Therefore, it's possible to be elite and completely useless at the same time. The point of elitism is all around potency in whatever a satanist chooses to do.


There's no room to act superior (unless it is superior action). Actually, this kind of behavior weakens the potency of elitism. It's like lovingly polishing a turd at the expense of sharpening a katana. No only would such an elitist 'lose it because they didn't use it', they have all the charm of being covered in shit.


Summing up, Satanism is hardcore, but not a license for a satanist to take his nose from the grindstone and shove it up in the air.

I found this old survey on my hard drive and it was something like 80% finished. I finished it, and here it is. Spoiler: It's a complete waste of time. 


1. What do you think your life is about?

Eight years too long.


But seriously, it's about me. ;)  What else could my life be about?


I love the phrasing of that question , BTW. "What do I think " intead of "What is"


What drives you in life?

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his fly. The bartender asks why it is there, to which the pirate replies "Yar, I do not know myself, but it's been driving me nuts"


Something like that.


This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

I want to leave behind an entertaining chalk outline or a bloodstain on the highway that looks like something. I want the people who see it to turn their heads sideways like confused cats and ask each other "Do you see what I see?" It's impossible to plan these sort of things and I'll never know so Meh.


And that's something like a goal or purpose.


2. What were you like as a kid?

Feral. But more kid-like.


3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

Parents?


Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

The word 'interact' meaningless when it comes to my parents. Don't let 'em fool ya, though. Public appearances do matter to them.


4. What values are important to you?

* self-awareness

* understanding

* intensity

* tacos


What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

Anything in the least resembling Optimus Prime and/or especially Rodimus Prime. An RV? Really?


5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?No. No. They were first against the wall when the revolution came.


6. a) How do you see yourself?

With a mirror. ;) Sometimes still water on a pond or something shiny, metallic, or glass. Or I can look downwards and there I am --headless.  

b.) How do you want others to see you?

Heh, using a mirror as well. That'd be swell.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

Bile.


7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).

a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.   Rank: Of course.

b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you   Rank: Floyd

c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.  Rank: Retired.


8. Where does the wandering mind take you?

Bitch keeps trying to take me to Didneyland.
What provokes this? Heh. Fuck you.


9.What makes you feel your best?

This state called flow, which I often refer to as ghenja.
What makes you feel your worst?

I don't feel my worst. Actually, I don't think I have one. 


10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - I'm in strawberry fields, bitch. Forever.

b.) shame - Pffft.

c.) anxiety - Nothing.


11. Describe how you respond to the following:

a.) stress - Irrelevant to an autotelic.
b.) negative unexpected change - Wheee! Shit to fan.
c.) conflict - ;)


12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?

Wait, you have to take a role in a group? Really? I usually kinda just walk in and say "hi", y'know?
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?

I behave, uh, powerfully, I suppose.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?

Not much. That would be an internal struggle.


13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

Uh... do you think I have x-ray vision?


14. Comment on your relationship with trust. 

Trust is a word. 


15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

Ima nihilist. I don't believe so. (rimshot)


Optional Question (due to personal nature): Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

I was born. I was all like "WAAAAAAAAAAAA!" 


Extra Questions: 

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)
- To constantly push yourself to be the best

That's like masterbation, besides, being the best happens occasionally without trying anyway ;)
- To be without needs, well-intentioned

Again, autotelic.
- To replace direct experience with concepts

Autotelic!
- To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation

Pffft. Rational self-interest.
- To think that fulfillment is somewhere else

On the motherfreekin moon, I suppose?
- To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance

I'd rather have my hands cut off than reach out.

- To overuse imagination in searching for yourself

::POOF!:: I'm Mikey Mouse! No, wait, here I am. Fuck, I'm still Mickey Mouse!
- To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself

Do what now?
- To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient

I can consider myself anything. I consider myself a frog. Who wrote this survey?
What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?

a.) My left nut.

b.) An extra left nut.

Why?) Because then I'd have three nutz.

True story. With that said...


While otherwise minding my own business, I was seized with a primal hunger which only my natural need for the primal thrill of the primal hunt could primally satisfy...


Stalking my way to the hunting grounds silently and deftly,  I watch my prey, ready to partake of the fallen lamb like the true Badass Nature  Predator lion mojo motherfucker I am by my super Satanic birthright...


And there, among the Hungry Man stew and the ramen noodles, I glimpsed my natural prey -- spaghetti in a can! I expertly cornered it before it could escape and grabbed it with my predators claw! 


There, in the moment I held it aloft I felt it not wriggling to get free! It's stationary nature and lack of will to live -- which I was about to snuff out permanently -- was very gratifying to my primal predator nature. To this little can of spaghetti -- I AM GOD! 


Then, my primal nature took over and I blacked out. I must have ripped open my prey mercilessly because I came to mere moments later on the couch, fork in hand, viciously ripping it's guts out and eating them raw, still glistening red with tomato sauce!


And lo! I must have caught a little jalapeño as well, for it's neatly sliced remains and watery blood were mixed with the guts of my natural prey! 


Such gore! Such triumph! Such badassery!  Who can stand next to such a natural predator such as me! Certainly not my prey! 


Damn, I'm still hungry.... GWARWRWR! To the hunting grounds!


Yolo, motherfucker!

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