Padowan's blog

I can define it for you the old fashioned way. Give you the glossed over, clinical definition devoid of real world experience but I'd rather give you something you can apply. Our lives are filled with psychic vampires. You encounter them on a daily basis but they slip by undetected until one targets you and then your perspective of normal human behavior forever changes.


First Awakening: Other people are not like you. Not. At. All.


Decency, honesty, justice, compassion, empathy, remorse, conscience, guilt, love -- these are NOT universal traits. Sure, you know that on a surface level but a psychic vampire is going to bring you to question each of these values on a scale you didn't believe a human could reach. When dancing with a vampire you can not only expect them to step on your toes but be prepared to be stabbed in the back, your throat cut, and disemboweled, all with a vampire smile and within arm's reach of bystanders that can't see your pain nor the malicious attack. The hardest thing for anyone to believe is that they have been deceived. It is almost universal that a person will refuse to believe he is gullible. They trust their impressions of people; they don't actually know them. So the vampire continues to exploit victim after victim right under the nose of others, sometimes gaining support in the abuse.


First Rule: Do not TRUST. Verify.


Don't trust psychic vampires' stories or recollection of events if they are the victim. Real victims rarely tell their stories. They are too ashamed and hurt to reveal the most tender part of themselves to any and everyone. Not a vampire. They tell you to gain YOUR emotion; your pity and empathy so they can play you like a puppet. Real victims seek solace and lick their wounds. Manipulators look for gullible puppets.


Words are empty.
Actions speak volumes.


Psychic Vampires depend on your gullible trust in what you're told rather than what you verify because verification takes time. We must be the Judge and Jury on what we will accept as truth.


Identifier: A psychic vampire will display a pattern of attack and remorse, or aggression and denial. Even better; ridicule and oblivion. Oblivious to their own hurtful words or inappropriate actions. They depend on you to only remember your last encounter with them as though you live in a isolated capsule that hinders the memory of elapsed time. They think that if they appear remorseful and kind today you will forget their maliciousness of yesterday. Don't be fooled.
It's a pattern.


 A pattern of abuse.
They don't deserve a second chance.


I ventured into the past and found an interesting video.



The topic was depression. The opinion was, I gathered, that depression was a motivating cue. I couldn't agree more.
But sometimes an individual gets so bogged down in the belief they are powerless to change their life that nothing short of drastic measures can restore their motivation to live.

I believe depression is a deep fear. The deepest fear I know of is not death but losing control of your life. The need to maintain autonomy presents itself in the human mind as early as two years of age. We are wired to be free to choose. Ask any person the first time they are incarcerated what was the worst part of the experience? Humiliation? Other inmates? The atmosphere of disregard? Being a number?
They would likely say it was the first realization of their loss of freedom. They have lost personal choice. Their choices are now made for them. Nothing is more valuable to the soul.

A depressed person has lost sight of their choices. They have lost faith in their own power of choice. They see life in black and white and narrow their choices until they reach only one; suicide.
Satanism is a natural cure for depression.
You can tell a person their depression is a signal of a deeper need to change, but the deeply depressed have lost sight of their ability to change. A depressed person needs one thing; to be shown their own power; especially over their own weakness to their emotions and their thoughts. Satanism and other parts of the LHP do exactly that. They hand the power of self control back to the individual. Thoughts, beliefs and emotions no longer dominate your life; conscious awareness does.

Escape from depressing patterns of thought requires emotional control, thus ultimately, Self-Control.

The Pain


The Cure

Codependency, also known as the disease of the lost self, is one of the strongest cultural influences placed upon growing girls. This writing is not meant to admonish a Christian perspective but more of a peek into the psychological underpinnings of a childhood nightly ritual. I couldn't help but reflect on my transition from codependent to Satanist after I looked upon a bookshelf and saw a childhood plaque leaning there. This plaque hung upon every childhood room of mine from infancy to high school. I recall my mother at my bedside reciting the words with me as a young girl, sinking the concepts to the furthest recesses of my mind.
I never knew how something so trite and simple could impact my life.

Prayer for A Little Girl

Now I lay me Down to sleep.
I pray Thee Lord, my soul to keep.
And Angels guard me through the night.
And keep me safe 'til morning light.

Help me to know Thy love for me
So I a loving child may be,
With generous thoughts and happy face
And pleasant words in every place.

Teach me to always say what's true,
Be willing in each task I do.
Please help me to be good each day,
And lead me in Thy Holy way.

I pray whatever wrongs I've done
You will forgive them, every one.
Be near me when I wake again,
And bless all those I love. Amen.

On the surface it appears so innocent but the hidden messages are damaging.

"Now I lay me Down to sleep.
I pray Thee Lord, my soul to keep.
And Angels guard me through the night.
And keep me safe 'til morning light."

Here is the beginning of accepting the control of your life (soul) to someone else and dependence upon them for your safety. Even more deeply the implied message is you are inherently unsafe; you need protection you fragile creature. Is there something a young child should really fear while sleeping? Why instill fear into the subconscious before dreaming? How cruel to use fear to encourage compliance in a young girl's heart. I know, I was that fearful child.

"Help me to know Thy love for me
So I a loving child may be,
With generous thoughts and happy face
And pleasant words in every place."

Can you guess the underlying intent? If I fail to be generous and pleasant (for others) then what am I? Unloving? I am not afforded boundaries. I am not given room to feel anger or selfishness or defiance to establish those boundaries. If I am forbidden the growth of boundaries in childhood when do you expect I will learn? The answer: when abuse supersedes the strength of the psyche. Ever notice how much abuse women will endure? Have you ever asked yourself 'why did she stay?' Because she wanted to be 'loving.'

"Teach me to always say what's true,
Be willing in each task I do.
Please help me to be good each day,
And lead me in Thy Holy way."

Natural children are literal. Children are born honest and learn to lie and they learn to lie faster upon the threat of deprivation, punishment and judgment. Teaching insinuates the child cannot tell truth from lie which is ridiculous. Encourage honesty. There is no need to teach the obvious. Willing implies you have a will, but here we learn it is not really our own. Good little girls willfully comply in every task; no back talk missy. And take my hand please, pave the way because women are notorious for falling off the beaten path. Never point us in the right direction and expect the straight and narrow. Just look at Little Red Riding Hood. Self-navigation is unsafe.

"I pray whatever wrongs I've done
You will forgive them, every one.
Be near me when I wake again,
And bless all those I love. Amen."

Here is the crux of the codependent: shame. Shame needs forgiveness. Without shame there is no victim of judgment. A shameless woman has no strings. She cannot be coerced. A woman that determines her own self-worth cannot be emotionally manipulated. And as for the judge, let him never let me be. His control is constant and ever present. Sacrifice your freedom in return for blessings of love and promises of safety. There's no safer place than prison.

This prayer could be just another indoctrination of religion to the average reader, but for me I see clearly the cultural conditioning that helped prime me for abusive relationships.
• self-sacrifice
• lack of boundaries
• subordination
• dependent for security
• need to be validated by others

Now, here I stand. For every trait I changed above I was charged with the following accusations:
• self-serving
• cold and unloving
• bossy and acting like a man
• pretentious and reckless
• shameless and evil

A ritual for the Satanic Girl is overdue.
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