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Mauricio Gonzalez II
Here I explain my personal motivations of going in to the Occult & what had led me to embrace Satanism, the reasons as to what led me on "The Left-Hand Path". It is A *bit of A long ass story, so I will try to shorten it up (don't mind the Autism)...




For A large part of my life, I had constant issues with my peer-group due to me being different & prefer only striving to be an ideal student. I was different due to my intelligence (I knew what death was & had good knowledge in regards to animals or bugs or insects), mannerisms (I had good etiquette while every one else lacked manners) & I did not dress like the others because I did not want to look like A gang-banger. Unfortunately I would often get harassed & persecuted just for acting or dressing older (`was quite A flirt back then) than what I really was, I was different from the rest. I mostly got on well with the Teachers, except for the ones at charter schools where they are awful dicks with poor sense of judgment & the school administrators were even bigger ass-holes with issues of incompetence (especially at that charter school)! This would continue on until I am forced in to home-schooling multiple times, the last one being some thing done on the internet & (after the courts failed to provide justice) I would eventually "drop-out" as an act of protest against the school system...basically trying to argue the point that the school system does not care about the well being of the student, only caring about numbers & that was all I am to them-Numbers! That so-called "No Child Left Behind" law was all just rotten BULL'S SHIT as I have been left behind & my child-hood dreams of joining the Navy as an Officer from the Navy Academy are just DEAD! Quite, frankly...this would make any one who had to suffer this just PISSED OFF & this is only focusing on the material aspects of life as I have yet to explain my spiritual struggles!



Now I am pretty much going to explain the political/different spiritual phases of my life. As far as I can remember...I can recall that as A toddler, I was attracted to oriental things & was fond of Buddha-like altars (I remember actually wanting one for A while until I would forget about it). I was apparently pretty social & was fond of dancing, but then epilepsy had struck me down...I don't remember much of what occurred. But I do remember that I developed an interest in the military as soon as I saw my first military parade & it was when I moved to Las Vegas-that I first tried military-oriented games (one of the first being "C&C: Red Alert" & "Panzer General III: Scorched Earth"). It was then at the time that I had developed A fascination of Germany & Russia back at that time, I would then become an Atheistic Anti-American Communist (back at time when it wasn't A "Cool Thing" to be like these days) & I didn't really know any better back then because of how History is taught in A biased manner. I didn't like my own country because of how I was being treated by my own peer-group & some of the adults, I had thought that there were other places that are better. My life became harsher, more pain & distress...especially when the blame kept on falling on me, I was even blamed for 9/11 happening (believe it or not)! I would come across some stories from people in Christianity & hear about prayers being answered, miracles occurring...I wanted that & thus became highly devoted in Abrahamic Religions (specifically Catholic Christianity), I had A crazed fanatical craving for purpose. Despite my faith, I was still interested in living in an other country (the U.K. seemed promising) & serving that country's military. I would eventually come to my senses & become more nationalistic in regards to my own country, it was at this time that I joined the U.S.N.S.C.C. with the intent of joining the military as an Officer. Despite my new-found faith at that time, I still was going through issues regarding isolation & depression (I was completely in home-schooling then, but had awful sense of loneliness as well as spiteful envy). I had developed A major case of envy as well as being Gender Dysphoric (ironic, I know), I would still hear about people who were less worthy getting divine favors while some one who was devoted as I was didn't get any thing at all! I then figured that I was doing some thing wrong & took to secretly lashing my self with A car antenna, eventually even cutting my self to put blood on the cross as A means of desperation...the results were rather limited & inadequate. The prayers I said to "Allah/Jehovah/Yahweh" were simple...I wanted Protection, Health, Wealth, Fame, Love, Complete Gender Change, Death To My Enemies, Power, An End To My Suffering, No More Isolation, Swift Justice, My Immediate Death (I was Suicidal)...I got none, there would then come A point that I would lose all patience & just renounce "All Things Christian" (which would of course include Jewism & Islam for obvious reasons, just the same old hypocrisy wrapped up in A different style) in favor of some thing more "Pro-Life".



I then would go on A personal spiritual journey to find what is true & thus during my years of isolation, did I study immensely in A various things in regards to faith. I was first considering Buddhism, but would find out that it was just A philosophy...A good philosophy, but I wanted some thing much deeper. So I looked in to where it came from & was reading about Hinduism, I liked many things about different groups, but was still confused about A few things (such as Castes, for example). So I looked in to some Western counter-parts & came up on Paganism, I was attracted to the idea of making my own miracles, A chance at getting power. The problem of course was that Paganism is some thing small & not very well known enough other than Wicca. So I was looking in to Wicca, reading A book by Gerald Gardner & felt A nostalgic sense of "Coming Home". I would have probably very well been deluded in to being one were it not for one of these people showing "her true colors" by playing A part in justice being denied in regards to my legal issues regarding the school system & (to make matters worse) she was the assistant to the school psychiatrist who had A sick sense of humor about skinning cats alive! I essentially became disgusted, especially since the Wiccan magic I was trying to use never worked & I ended up with an other epileptic attack from utilizing "The Lesser Banishing Ritual Of The Pentagram" (which involves dealing with Angels, which of course are Abrahamic...it was practically like the female-oriented version of Christianity/Islam/Jewism, but with Occultism & wrapped in A different style package).



So now I had no place else to turn to, it was Satanism or Atheism (which was what I originally was) & I choose Satanism. When I first looked in to it, I was thinking it was how jewish-controlled HollyWood & media portrayed it to be...but after reading & reading more, I have found out that every thing was just A lie! I found out about so many things, I was kind of going through shock. I then felt anger, rage & vengeful...that I was fooled for so many years, that I have basically wasted A large portion of my life! I have even learned the disturbing facts of Zionists (Jewish Supremacists), their shills & their deities (The Tyrannical Elohim under "Allah /Jehovah/Yahweh) whom they render worship unto. I would then come to invest full-time in Meditation & furthering personal spiritual development, increasing my personal knowledge until I felt ready to do "The Dedication Ritual". As that night came, there were two things that motivated me to going through with it...*LOVE* & *VENGEANCE*. "Love" ended up being inadequate as A motivator, it held no real meaning to me & so it was "Vengeance" that ended up being the final motivator...the ritual was done. I would also develope the idea of blending Fascism & Monarchy together, the idea of "Emperor Worship" (similar like that of what Japan had) as it is by far the most legitimate Satanic form of government ever to be conceived as the one who reigns is Anti-Christ (our Liberator, chosen & found worthy by our benefactors).



So here you have read some things about me & what ultimately led me in to embracing Satanism (Militant Paganism), *VENGEANCE*. I desire to commit the ultimate act of Vengeance & play A part in freeing the Gentile people from the tyranny of The Zionist Oligarchy, to make sure that "The Tyrannical Elohim" are dead or enslaved as lambs to the slaughter! Vengeance be my virtue, purpose, life & love...it is all I know & desire, heed my words: THERE WILL BE A PURGE. If not, then may my carcass decay & rot where it expires as my failure deserves no pity (despite what the gods/goddesses say them selves). I am for ever devoted to our sacred struggle & shall never relent in my personal duties, I am A *Traditional DeviL Worshipping Anti-Christ Loyal Spiritual Satanist* who is A "Monarcho-Fascist" for ever more....


¡¡¡¡¡¡666 HAIL FATHER SATAN 666!!!!!!

   -Sincerely,

      ~MG2 [s.s.s.]

Padowan


I ventured into the past and found an interesting video.



The topic was depression. The opinion was, I gathered, that depression was a motivating cue. I couldn't agree more.
But sometimes an individual gets so bogged down in the belief they are powerless to change their life that nothing short of drastic measures can restore their motivation to live.

I believe depression is a deep fear. The deepest fear I know of is not death but losing control of your life. The need to maintain autonomy presents itself in the human mind as early as two years of age. We are wired to be free to choose. Ask any person the first time they are incarcerated what was the worst part of the experience? Humiliation? Other inmates? The atmosphere of disregard? Being a number?
They would likely say it was the first realization of their loss of freedom. They have lost personal choice. Their choices are now made for them. Nothing is more valuable to the soul.

A depressed person has lost sight of their choices. They have lost faith in their own power of choice. They see life in black and white and narrow their choices until they reach only one; suicide.
Satanism is a natural cure for depression.
You can tell a person their depression is a signal of a deeper need to change, but the deeply depressed have lost sight of their ability to change. A depressed person needs one thing; to be shown their own power; especially over their own weakness to their emotions and their thoughts. Satanism and other parts of the LHP do exactly that. They hand the power of self control back to the individual. Thoughts, beliefs and emotions no longer dominate your life; conscious awareness does.

Escape from depressing patterns of thought requires emotional control, thus ultimately, Self-Control.

The Pain


The Cure

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