Silvertattoo's blog

I'm looking for...

*What religion(s) views I care to support.

*Orgonians who are around me.
*Friends from different and same walks of life to develop a "ballenced" support system for me. to explore.

*To explore/see/contemplate the complete opposite of what I was raised to be...

*To "get a grip" on life as I see things. Better understanding of myself.

*To live, and let live. I mean to really LIVE. To indulge in my life.

*To develop social skills.

*To clear out false beliefs and behaviors.

*What is my purpose in life.

Looking for a clear explanation of why ...

*Why am I here...I am drawn...and why. 

This, being on here, is part of me trying to understand myself in my self exploration and gain a better understanding. Of life, of me and of you.

HOLD ON

The girl waits patiently

listening for her troubles to come knocking,

knowing it will come.

Mommy’s livin’ in her own little world

too busy to take the time to get to know her daughter

She loves her but other things come first

Daddy is gone, living with his new family.

Don’t come to visit you, don’t know if he truly cares.

He called the other night, said “I love you”

Mommy doesn’t know, if she did then all hell would break loose.

She prays and hopes

for her life to pick up speed.

Wants to make her own decisions.

Not a child, not yet a teen.

Can’t wait to grow up.

To escape

Just hold up, hold on.

You can make it.

Wait for a while, you will come around.

You can’t just wish to be older.

‘Cause while your wishin’,

your life will pass you by.

You can’t live it over.

You have only one chance

so enjoy it while you can.

The boy sits in his room.

Tears silently streaking down his face.

A knife in his hand

slashing his arms to ribbons.

Unanswered questions running through his head

while wishing he was dead.

Why don’t they hear his prayer for help?

Mommy leashes out stress.

Daddy’s in California now.

So many questions

Will someone answer them?

Doesn’t anybody care?

He prays and hopes

for his life to pick up speed.

Want’s to feel in control of his life.

Not a child, not yet a teen.

Can’t wait to grow up.

To escape

Just hold up, hold on.

You can make it.

Wait for awhile, you will come around.

You can’t just wish your problems away.

‘Cause while your wishin’,

your life will pass you by.

You can’t live it over.

You have only one chance

so enjoy it while you can.

God will give you strength.

He will make things come round right.

You just have to pray,

lift your voice to the sky

and thank God for all his creations,

that includes you.

You are a miracle, a blessing sent from heaven above.

He loves you unconditionally.

He will wrap you in his arms

and protect you from all harm.

If you allow him to . . .

He is your Father. 

 This piece was dedicated to two of my closest friends back in the day who were going through some tough times. Made years ago. Thought that even if it was old and old mind set, I should still post it.

Have you ever?

Have you ever tried to scream but you never uttered a sound?

Your voice once so clear now is spell bound.

Have you ever felt trapped, feeling like there's no escape?

and the past leaves you wondering if it's just too late.

Have you ever been so lost, you ask the darkness, "Is this reality?"

But as you slowly look up and realize you recognize everything you see.

Have you ever seen your future far ahead in the morning mist?

I did.

And I finally saw what lies in store for me as I calmly slash my wrist.

Have you ever wished so hard to be somebody you know?

So you can quit pretending to be your every day 'Average Joe'.

Have you ever wanted acceptance so badly you just couldn’t live?

And you wish someone could have seen you for who you were, not what you did.

And as my last seconds glide slowly by, I make one final wish . . .

I wish people wouldn’t judge others for their past, what they did.

That they would just let it go, accept it, let them live. 

This expresses how I felt a years ago.  I was thinking about my past and some of my old bottled up feelings . . . and let them go.  So, no I'm not going to kill myself . . . EVER!!! Is just a way to express.

SO THERE!!!

I'm here, no not really.

Don't lie, don't be silly.

I'm gone, and I don't know where.

Don't ask, 'cause I don't care.

So There!

Forget it, it's just life.

I'll make it, somewhere sometime.

Don't cry, that's what babies do.

Not really, but I'm in the mood.

So There!

So go, I don't care where.

Away, away the hell from here.

Leave while your still ahead.

Die, for all I care.

So There!

I'm nice, like sugar and spice.

Go ahead and roll the dice.

Win me, go ahead and try.

Come on baby, I'm worth the price.

So There!

Drugs, there bad for you.

Addition, that's all they equal to.

Who cares? Well I do.

Why? Because I love you.

So There!

You lie, well I do too.

But no, that life's not for you

or me, you gotta see

what this crap is doin' to me.

So There!

Forget now,

An give me the blame.

Who cares? 

I don't know but we will see.

So There!

Jealousy's go the best of me.

My Angel, why can't you see

I'm blind to reality.

I shouldn’t be, but I can't help it see?

So There!

I'm sad, I want to cry.

Maybe just up and die.

My Angel's fine, don't you dare touch him

Hello!! He's mine.

So There!

I don't plan to lead you astray

But to live life day by day.

A friend?!? A friend would be fine.

Don't worry, I'm not feeding you a line.

So There!

So, let's mend an fix an pray

That our kids can someday play.

Without grownup strife.

It hurts everyone deep as a knife.

Fo sure

So let's go, race you there!

Jump in, jump in with a care.

Friends we'll be.

That's what we can guarantee.

Kindred

Here, I am on bended knee.

Why can't I just be me.

Tell me, who can see,

My life now to what It's gonna be.

So There!

Yep, no stress and strife

but there's just no such life

Now really, lets just try.

Life ain't no slice O pie.

Lets agree.

Alone, is the place carefree.

So I won't hurt anybody but me.

My frets, time to come clean.

What now? Jus be.

So There!

I'm livin, If you consider my life livin'.

Blue skies are grey today.

Its my life I be wishin'

I'm not now, but I'll be o-tay.

So There!

I'm here. No really!!!!

I'm alive, I guess that's silly.

to say cause duh, look whose writing.

"I say, I've seen a Kay sighting."

That's me.

So There!

Many moons have passed

Now two thousand seventeen.

Been hard, so downcast

Let's maybe smoke some green

It's legal...

So there! 

This is my angry poem. Can be sung or screamed! lol! I've added bits and pieces to it over the years and has been an ongoing special project of mine. I am quite proud of it. Shows a lot of growth! Started writing it around 2000 I believe and is still going to be added to more later. . . after I find all my lil scraps of paper lying around with my additions to this. . 

UPDATE:  Hi. There is more I have yet to write. Please bare with me. This is a storyline of what I was going through at the time.