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Monogamy | Forum

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EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 8
So.. at least in the USA people are expected to be in a lifelong monogamous relationship.

I'm not so sure how I feel about that. I don't think that monogamy is natural. I think it can be made to work, with a lot of creativity, radical acceptance and hard work.

But why expend all that effort? why not do what comes natural to nearly ALL mammals ? What's so wrong with doing what is not only innate but feels good?


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Dark Enlightenment
I like to look at the Chimpanzee exhibits at any local zoo.  


They are all bisexual and they all fuck each other.  They are man's closest relative and in every other taxonomic family there are similarities in mating behaviors.  Wolves mate similar to coyotes, Tigers mate similarly to the lynx.  Primates all act the same until you get to the most intelligent primate, humans, who developed the CIVILIZATION to differenciate itself.  


In the mamallian kingdom there are no specific pairings for life (not even beavers). There are seasonal pairings, and sometimes consecutive seasonal pairings, but it still resets each season. Meaning they fuck and stay involved until the offspring joins the collective to be raised by observation of others, and then maybe do it again.


The closest thing to natural human tendency (pre civilization) are free love hippie communes where a family unit can be 5 unrelated adults and their 13 collective children.  


Unfortunately, society rewrote the human habitat. Monogamy came in response to commerce, assets, and wealth becomming the drive of our existance.  Could you imagine a 5 party divorce?


In other words: We made our beds and now we have to fuck in them.

The Forum post is edited by Dark Enlightenment Sep 8
Anna
Anna Sep 9
Correction. In the US people are expected to live in monogamous marriages. You are allowed to be in an open relationship with as many partners as you want and fuck all of them. But you are allowed to marry only one of them at a time. The reasons behind prohibition of bigamy could be religious and cultural but they also could be more practical, like inheritance issues and custody of children. Anyway, you are not expected to live in a lifelong marriage. From what I know, divorces are not illegal in the US.

Before we start complaining that a monogamous marriage is unnatural, we should realize that an institution of marriage itself is a cultural thing, not a natural one. Chimpanzees happily fuck each other but they don't marry. Neither do they organize weddings.
The Forum post is edited by Anna Sep 9
EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 9
when two people date, they expect their partner to be faithful to them.  If I were to go out and fuck everyone I wanted to fuck, I would be considered a whore. so I don't really agree that it is only about the institution of marriage in our culture. Just saying...
AK Mod
AK Sep 9
What's just as difficult to curb as our natural sexual urges are our equally as natural jealous and possessive tendencies. That's the trade-off. I've seen many a person talk a good one about not being possessive or having an open relationship, but that's just the intellect talking from its ivory tower with its incessant nasally pedantry. When push comes to shove, baser, more primitive people-as-property instincts kick-in, and boy does it get ugly fast when they do... that is, at least if said person-as-property was ever of a value sufficient to warrant a "be mine" in the first place. Further exacerbating the issue is that women tend to be just as territorial of their men as men are of their women, and it only takes one party or more of two or more to spark that dumpster fire.

To your point, there's no real explicit expectation of monogamy anywhere. You can bang whoever and however many as you like, but chances are someone's going to catch those types of  jealous feels sooner or later - even if doing so would be hypocritical of them. Without some sort of understanding or commitment in place to handle that, you're basically setting yourself up for all sorts of unpleasantness. Monogamy (or the semblance of monogamy, anyway) seems to be the go-to arrangement because it's the simplest. The more complicated arrangements seem to collapse in on themselves for reasons stemming from jealousy being a much harder vice to sate than lust; and like lust, it operates at a primal depth the light of reason will never reach.

The Forum post is edited by AK Sep 9
EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 9

Quote from AK What's just as difficult to curb as our natural sexual urges are our equally as natural jealous and possessive tendencies. That's the trade-off. I've seen many a person talk a good one about not being possessive or having an open relationship, but that's just the intellect talking from its ivory tower with its incessant nasally pedantry. When push comes to shove, baser, more primitive people-as-property instincts kick-in, and boy does it get ugly fast when they do... that is, at least if said person-as-property was ever of a value sufficient to warrant a "be mine" in the first place. Further exacerbating the issue is that women tend to be just as territorial of their men as men are of their women, and it only takes one party or more of two or more to spark that dumpster fire.

To your point, there's no real explicit expectation of monogamy anywhere. You can bang whoever and however many as you like, but chances are someone's going to catch those types of  jealous feels sooner or later - even if doing so would be hypocritical of them. Without some sort of understanding or commitment in place to handle that, you're basically setting yourself up for all sorts of unpleasantness. Monogamy (or the semblance of monogamy, anyway) seems to be the go-to arrangement because it's the simplest. The more complicated arrangements seem to collapse in on themselves for reasons stemming from jealousy being a much harder vice to sate than lust; and like lust, it operates at a primal depth the light of reason will never reach.

that makes sense.. but I still don't like it. The frequent ingenuity that it takes to make a truly happy monogamous relationship work is exhausting.  Otherwise, after a year or so, it becomes a matter of, "well this is what I know so I'll deal with the monotony."  
ugh... I hate humans.
Anna
Anna Sep 9
@EpicFail
I was talking about the legal issues, which, in my opinion are the only valid instrument of pressure implemented by force. The social pressure is disputable. Lifelong marriages are coming out of fashion even in Poland, which is considered one of the most Catholic countries. The number of people changing partners is increasing. An open relationship is one of possible options. I don't think you will face social ostracism for that. The question is whether it will work. But ffs, it's not such a forbidden fruit anymore.
The Forum post is edited by Anna Sep 9
AK Mod
AK Sep 10
No one said you had to like it. If after a year it gets boring, break it off. Alternatively, cheat, and either realize what a mistake it was to do so or break it off with the one you're with for them. The whole open relationship thing just seems like a lot of rules and complications. Like the legalization of marijuana. Back in my day, we just broke the law and got good at not getting caught. It was both simpler and more exhilarating. Now a days there's all these formalities and stipulations that, while succeeding in ensuring you're not doing anything you might get punished for, manage to make the whole process a rather boring and bothersome venture that is hardly worth the hassle. 


Everybody knows


The Forum post is edited by AK Sep 10
EdMenonymous Member
EdMenonymous Sep 10

Marriage was instituted as a way FOR A MAN TO OWN A WOMAN.

Monogamy is fukkin gross!

HONESTY ROCKS!

It's like if yer a HOT KITTY! Then every body's gonna want a piece...

If you bang this kitty and then bang that kitty..

THE NEXT KITTY CAN SMELL IT! Can prolly SMELL ALL YER KITTY..

If only more HumeHones.. could count on their most keen senses of smell and psychic empathetic abilities to

SHARE LOVE HONESTLY and OPENLY..

INSTEAD OF INSISTING ON OWNING EACH OTHER..

Meh! What a joke! MONOGAMY..

What does baby I love you mean?

You fire neurons of self-satisfaction because you are acceptable to someone??

There are so many commitments...To this BEING ACCEPTED...

but you don't care.. BEING ACCEPTED IS REALLY IMPORATANT..

and it is A PRIMAL NEED and VERY IMPORTANT..

because we live in an EAT OR BE EATEN UNIVERSE,,,

However.. as a human/HUMEHONE...

you GO DEEPER THAN YA KNOW... and

If you are not a total brick wall? then yes..

this notion of baby I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU..

SO YOU CAN FEEL SAFE..will begin to bore..

is NOT ENOUGH. and IS A BIG FAT FUKKIN LIE! to boot!

Because love and sex and all of our relationships.

. help us to learn about ourselves

and if we are lucky these people in our lives,

will tell us THE TRUTH and HELP US TO GROW SAFELY INTO MORE OF WHO WE ARE...

one on one two people stuck together because of some slave owners idea to BE THE BEST SLAVES EVER IS FUKKIN GROSS! Has perverted EVERYONE'S CONCEPT OF LOVE!! and should BE BURNED AWAY ART ITS VERY STAKE!!!

A lighfe time ONE ON ONE is ONLY FOR CERTAIN BIRDS...

and it's definitely NOT FOR THIS KITTY! or my best friend

WHO IS A DOG!!

MERGREGH!
The Forum post is edited by EdMenonymous Sep 10
AK Mod
AK Sep 15
My friend. 


One. You own your pets, don't you? Ownership is not some sort of terrible thing that need be done away with. I can assure that it is a privilege to be owned by yours truly. 


Two. What you're only looking at the upside of free love. There's an actual downside to this, you do realize? For example: what a mind fuck it really is to at once be in a relationship while simultaneously handling a break-up / permanent good-bye almost every month? Pretending everything's ok. It's not "fun" for me, and I don't see why it would be for anyone else. It's actually a million shades and gradients of awful. 


The whole reason people choose monogamous relationships in the first place is to avoid that pit of awfulness. Where you find yourself just after the last time you'll ever speak. Sure, you increase the probability of orgasm, but orgasms don't last as long as  forever and things end in ways that give abruptness whole new meanings. They seldom do so gracefully. I think you're over-looking that part. The part where it doesn't work-out and you say good-bye - like forever. It's not easy. It's probably not even worth it, but you do it anyway. There is that. 


Oh sure, there's an upside - a momentary one - but you're setting yourself up to get hurt repeatedly playing these types of games, and you won't have anyone to comfort you, either. You end up finding yourself in this sort of veil of solitude, staring at the sky and comparing people to clouds. Have you seen forever lately? It's ugly.


It's not all it's cracked-up to be, is what I'm saying.



The Forum post is edited by AK Sep 15
EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 15

Quote from EdMenonymous

Marriage was instituted as a way FOR A MAN TO OWN A WOMAN.

Monogamy is fukkin gross!

HONESTY ROCKS!

It's like if yer a HOT KITTY! Then every body's gonna want a piece...

If you bang this kitty and then bang that kitty..

THE NEXT KITTY CAN SMELL IT! Can prolly SMELL ALL YER KITTY..

If only more HumeHones.. could count on their most keen senses of smell and psychic empathetic abilities to

SHARE LOVE HONESTLY and OPENLY..

INSTEAD OF INSISTING ON OWNING EACH OTHER..

Meh! What a joke! MONOGAMY..

What does baby I love you mean?

You fire neurons of self-satisfaction because you are acceptable to someone??

There are so many commitments...To this BEING ACCEPTED...

but you don't care.. BEING ACCEPTED IS REALLY IMPORATANT..

and it is A PRIMAL NEED and VERY IMPORTANT..

because we live in an EAT OR BE EATEN UNIVERSE,,,

However.. as a human/HUMEHONE...

you GO DEEPER THAN YA KNOW... and

If you are not a total brick wall? then yes..

this notion of baby I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU..

SO YOU CAN FEEL SAFE..will begin to bore..

is NOT ENOUGH. and IS A BIG FAT FUKKIN LIE! to boot!

Because love and sex and all of our relationships.

. help us to learn about ourselves

and if we are lucky these people in our lives,

will tell us THE TRUTH and HELP US TO GROW SAFELY INTO MORE OF WHO WE ARE...

one on one two people stuck together because of some slave owners idea to BE THE BEST SLAVES EVER IS FUKKIN GROSS! Has perverted EVERYONE'S CONCEPT OF LOVE!! and should BE BURNED AWAY ART ITS VERY STAKE!!!

A lighfe time ONE ON ONE is ONLY FOR CERTAIN BIRDlS...

and it's definitely NOT FOR THIS KITTY! or my best friend

WHO IS A DOG!!

MERGREGH!
You say, "honesty rocks."  infidelity(to most humans) involves spinning a whole web of lies in order to work effectively. 
EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 16
Monogamy is always eventually coming to hoping he won't find out and half hoping he will re
AK Mod
AK Sep 16
I am staring in awe at what you just said. I like you. You remind me a lot of me. But damn, woman! You are cold. Colder than the last two people who will never speak to me again. Brutal. Utterly. The world is a very cruel place, isn't it? You get points for making it that way. 
The Forum post is edited by AK Sep 16
EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 16

yes it is.. y the awe?


AK Mod
AK Sep 16
I edited what I wrote. That explains it better. You're a beast. Straight out awful. And I like that. You literally have no soul. And that's a compliment - I swear.
AK Mod
AK Sep 16
"Monogamy is always eventually coming to hoping he won't find out"  full-stop. I've said some terrible things in my life. I sometimes even go out of my way to say terrible things. But you got me beat. That ^ that wins hella points. That wins all the points there are. You are a vicious brat who I look forward to meeting in hell where we belong. 


XOXO.

The Forum post is edited by AK Sep 16
EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 16

I am brutally selfish. I care about people but I can't help how I really feel. It's very innate

AK Mod
AK Sep 16
I want to give you a girlfriend. How do you feel about travelling to Poland? Her name's Anna, and her accent is OMG - great! She's like the archetypal villain. Cartoonishly so. And what's cool about it is that she probably won't get you pregnant and you can maybe introduce her to pot. 
The Forum post is edited by AK Sep 16
EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 16

and yea I luv u too..
*evil imp who calls me terrible but secretly knows my truth

to be a reality*

EpicFail TITS
EpicFail Sep 16
Umm never been. I like girlfriends tho
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