User blogs
I figure I may as well begin with origins to myself and where it all began, details may be fuzzy but I'll do the best I can to shed some light on thought processes and etcetera. For those that give two shits about picking the brains on others or view the individuality within strangers, you might be in for a treat.
2006-2007, Aprox Age, 13.
I'll begin with where it all started. I never had my own personal computer or laptop at a young age, but I did have a Wii-system that used Wi-fi, a modern staple that offered me access to various resources for a growing hormonal teenaged boy. One particular summer eve, I grew bored, lonely - the strange kid in the back of the class-room that yearned for friends and companionship, struggling with Father issues and a sweet tooth for horror. I've heard that some in various circles practiced singing praises to Satan, and while I never viewed myself as a Christian at this time, a true one at least, I was left with questions and doubts. My faith with ye-old God were measured in stray hairs at best, never strong but not completely torn. As my mind wandered, I ventured to the ideas of summoning a Succubus. Trivial and immature, but I was alone and guided only by my own curiosity.
I happened upon Joy of Satan. An old site that seemed to be updating fairly regularly at this time, chocked full of scriptures of demons, summonings, Astral Projection, ideas, so on and so forth. Being susceptible of believing everything I was told, I slowly began to develop similar anti Semitic ideas to that of the site owner. I dabbled with meditations (Was terrible at them) - Interested in developing relations with Satan and Lucifer (To fill the void of a fatherless life) - believed in a world of Duat, (Satanist Heaven, or the world of which Daemons reside in the Astral.) and even had dreams of traversing a strange back-alley portion of a city where gambling on those whom were about to die in the real world seemed oddly popular. Creatures and beings I couldn't begin to fathom appeared here, some humanoid, others.... I can't describe. All harboring around this gargantuan book. I've labeled this book as 'The Book of Death'. Date, time, location, cause, name, all recorded in real time. (And before you ask, I have /Not/ seen 'Deathnote' during this time, but that's the easiest way to put it.)
Beyond this realm of gambling, there was a grand library, ancient, manned by more impossible creatures and beings I couldn't classify to anything recognizable. Before long a squadron of 'officers' swarmed me and I promptly woke up with a lump in my throat and a haze over my eyes. Most of my practices during my 'Joy of Satan' phase were for naught. I've never been able to properly finish or follow through any of the meditations, and Astral Projection, to this day, eludes me completely. (Despite this, it is still one of my Grand Life Goals, to Astral Project.)
This goes on for a while, onwards to 2010 and 2011, where I slowly wane and drift from these practices. I had friends that claimed they were building Grimories and Black Books of Pagan practices and rituals. All of which I were unable to grasp in time before I moved from Indiana to Wisconsin, and in 2013, back to Indiana. Three years of friends and confusion of this spiritual world I was introduced to were for naught. I would denounce the Anti Semitic ways of myself after speaking to a few members from The Brotherhood of Satan, and after fact checking some of the things written by JoS - it seemed sketchy and I became quite skeptical.
The idea of Satanism was warped for me, yet I retained my desire by understanding the journey is an individual experience. Now in my early twenties, I've still yet to understand how to branch as my own individual self for self empowerment under my own cause - but more on that some other time.
2015-2016 - Age, 20-21.
I hadn't touched a single word off of Satanism for years after Wisconsin, I grew older, wiser, had a job, had some more friends, established myself in the community and known by a fair deal of people in this small city. Most faces are quite familiar - but yet, when I go home each night and prepare for bed, I felt something was missing from my life. Like a note to my future self, the ideas of Satanism came crawling back to the back of my mind and I begun to yearn to speak to other Satanists. Step in Temple of Atem - a branch of Satanists brought up by the teachings and books of S.S Connolly, an author that has written several scriptures and are selling them on Amazon Kindle. I developed myself very briefly in their community and purchased a very, very, very special book. Goetic Daemons~ a ritual book with drawings and instructions for very particular rituals and practices.
I haven't thought much of the book, still slowly reading through it and several other books from Amazon Kindle - but recently (After I fell out of the practices for a third, fourth time, lost count) - there were a few pictures from Imgur that referenced this book. Going about talking about the Satanic symbols, denounced the Necronomicon and referenced this book in my possession with heavy warnings and praise of its truth and rights. Thinking about the book now with idle fondness gives me mild chills.
Skipping out a lot of details and small stories omitted for time sake, here I am now. Once more called back to the LHP by idle thoughts that keep nagging me, dragging me back once I've ventured on my own for too far. Either experiences in life make me yearn for information, or closure. Perhaps community and speaking with real people with real experience and real results appeal to me.
And here I am now, SIN. Happened upon it on accident, and I've made mention of it from my enlistment questions. One hell of a Google Search - and there it was in shining glory. An active forum that seemed coherent and brimming with experiences, practices and people willing to --- you know --- talk. The biggest thing that's happened to me, I believe, would have been that dream. Almost a decade ago - and I still remember it vividly, as if it happened yesterday in real life, but it happened so quick I just can't process everything that occurred during that dream.
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Personal Beliefs:
Theistic. Satan and Lucifer are two separate entities - there is not just one realm of which Goetic Daemons reside, however most can be found within the Astral. Lucifer and Satan, personally, are viewed as Supreme Beings and, more or less - father figures.
Personal Goals:
#1. Fucking Astral Projection holy shit.
#2. Develop friends within Satanic Network.
#3. Understand, practice, and perform successful rituals respectfully.
#4. Develop more goals.
It's 5:30 am, growing tired, train of thought is about as useful as Braille on a drive-through ATM. Will add more to this some other time.
